That's My Mamma... The Wedding Dress

Ok..

So while it was on my mind... I decided to bang out the "Mamma's Wedding Dress Story"

I know if I don't do it now.. I will forget...

A little background.

Mamma is from a generation of Italian Women who believe that when a loved one dies.. you must wear black...

At one time black was worn for at least one year from when that person died... Most everyone came from very big families.. thus one could be in perpetual mourning attire indefinitely...

Sometimes Widows would never again be seen in a bright color

My father has been gone for six years now and while she doesn't ALWAYS sport black .. it is pretty predominate...as are dark blue and the such..

It is just a cultural, generational thing.

Mamma... Is the youngest in a family of 10 girls and 2 boys...

This in and of itself is the makings of a great book or movie.

Suffice it to say... many people did not think my grandfather would succeed in marring off all these lovely women.. and one insensitive lout even went so far as to say...

"What the heck is Francesco going to do with all those girls... Fry them in a pan?"

NICE.....

Well they showed him... and the rest of the small town they were from.. every single one of those women were married.... and as they would say there...

With Honor....

Because males were ( and some would say still are) more treasured then females ... A man who had 10 girls was to be pitied.. My grandfather was a very strong.. smart man... who once said...

"If I have to worry about every single thing a person has to say about me... I may as well go drown myself in the ocean now!"

Yep.. he was a man who knew who he was.. and would not be swayed by anyone or anything.

In those days.. often Father's would offer up a dowry.. as an incentive to prospective grooms.

Well.. Nonno decided pretty early on..anyone interested in any of his daughters... would have to take them as they were.. NO DOWRY...

Once a perspective family who's son wanted to arrange a match ,tried to prod him for his reasons of not offering a dowry..

Easy he said...

"You see this little one ( My Mamma) playing on the floor... If her sister receives a dowry and each daughter after that... by the time she is of age to marry.... there will be nothing left. No No my friend.. If they are to be wed.. God will bless them and they will prosper on their own. "

* Which by the way.. they all did.

Fast forward a few years...

Mamma, my Grandfather and Grandmother were the only ones left in the family still living on the mountain...

They decided it was time to come down from the mountain... and into the town.. only after every one of his children is married ....( all but Mamma)

Now it is evident he is sick.

They did not really know what he had... but in all likelihood it was cancer.

All they could do was make him comfortable.

Mamma stayed with him, taking care of him each and everyday.

Happily for Nono...a suitor came along wanting Mamma's hand in marriage.. Again..this fine chap expected a dowry...

Being that she was the last girl left... Nono was more then willing to let her have a dowry if she wanted it...

Mamma stood firm.. and told him...

"If all my sisters were able to Marry without a dowry.. I can too, They will have to take me as I am!"

She turned him down cold.... Now mind you.. Mamma was 28 years old... and in Italy in those days... 28 rounded off to about 68... an old Maid...

Never the less.. Mamma didn't care... she would stay unmarried if she had to.. she was a seamstress.. and could make a living that way....

That is until My Pa came along...

OK.. there is more to that story too.. but Let me get to the dress...

My grandfather passed away just before my Mother and Father were to wed...

Mamma was determined to get married in black.. she was distraught that her father did not live to see his final child marry...
Her sister's convinced her she could never get married in Black.. it was bad luck!!!

But with all that had to be done prior to Nono's passing... there was no time to make a proper Wedding dress ... my dad would soon have to go back to Venezuela for work.. at least for a few more months..

What to do...

Mamma's cousin ... who had just been married a few months earlier... came to the rescue...

She let Mamma borrow her dress for her wedding day...

Mamma was so upset and hurting from her loss.. but wore the dress... for the ceremony ... and at it's end Literally at the end of the ceremony.. and back at the house for a small gathering ,she took it off to give back to her cousin ...(she lived in a town further away ... and wanted to return with it)

thus putting Mamma on her wedding day back in black...
Talk about courage... and dignity.. Not only to accept her cousins offer...but to be able to do so with out ill feelings..

Her wedding day was not your typical wedding day... while there was happiness at finding a man who accepted her as she was...

Not having the other very important man in her life to witness it all ... pierced her heart...

So you see... in my post when writing about hand me downs..Mamma had lived a life of hand me downs... but never felt less because of it..Even her own Wedding dress.. was not hers..

She had been instilled to KNOW WHO SHE WAS...

She knew.....that the outside does not represent the inside..

Luckily for us.. She has instilled that same feeling of not being too attracted to the outside.

Don't get me wrong... I like a Vera Wang.. whatever......just as much as the next gal...

Am I going to go crazy if I can't have it?.... Hardly....

I know who I am... and no one can take THAT away from me...

So Thanks..Nono

Thanks Mamma...

Life Lesson... Learned...

After over 40 years of marriage... Ultimately... it wasn't ever about the dress...