BIKE WARS or ..." Is this a dream?"

I have shared with you my tug at your heartstrings story of my son's....
Adventures with a BB Gun...and since no one in my family is safe from the spotlight.. regardless of distance to the mothership.. I will now share with you another warm the cockles of your heart "Boy's Tale"..

Circa early 1990's

We were living in our first "Real" little home... ( I say real because the first home we lived in my parents rented out to us.. So technically it doesn't count..)
Life was good.. we had two little ones Our male heir Martin ( the artist formally known as M2) and the mandatory female child... Maria...

Martin was about 6-7 years old...

The long lazy summer was coming to an end.. He and his best friend next door..(Sounds like Dimmy) were whiling away the hours by practicing all kinds of cool moves on their bikes.. Mind you they were barely out of training wheels and now they thought they were Evil Knievel..

they started out with locking in the brakes.. to see who could make the longest skid marks...

Races in general to see who could go the fastest... and before you know it they had progressed to making short little hops while riding on their bikes..

With all this new found testosterone.. they soon progressed to "Popping Wheelies" .. this lead down the slippery slope ( no pun intended) of building ramps..

At first it seemed innocuous enough... a couple of elevated boards... couple of bricks.. soon lead to a mini bike ramp skyscraper...OK so it wasn't a skyscraper.. but to us Mom's might as well have been... Dimmy's Mom and I didn't really like the looks of the contraption ... that had now morphed into a conglomeration of various 2x4's and planks of wood..

But as they say.. Boys will be boys.. and they really were getting pretty good at the stunts they were performing... Silly things such as helmets were not yet the norm.. But we mothers kept warning our offspring to for heaven's sake... "BE CAREFUL!!! "

They both practiced and practiced and soon had a regular routine down...

Fast Fast Fast...

Screeeching stop..

long black skid mark...

turn around.. Fast Fast Fast....Wham... up onto the make shift ramp... Hop Hop.. Pop a Wheelie ride off..

Ok.. So one wouldn't sit there and eat popcorn to watch this show.. but they did try to turn it into somewhat of a show, and they were impressive in their "Mad Bike Skillz".

Soon it wasn't enough that they had the attention of the other neighborhood kids..

(Mainly Girls) who began to tire quickly... and decided it was time to play with someone's Fisher Price Kitchen.
Both boys decided they would put on a show for the Mom's....

Now our house and Dimmy's were right next door... Both Mom's were "Requested" to sit on the porch to watch their son's bike riding prowess..

There we sat.. waiting and watching our young male offspring preparing to strut their stuff...

(Man it really is in the Male DNA code to want to show off to females... weird)

Even though we had seen them do the routine a dozen times, we were now in official spectator mode.

First off Dimmy...almost at the end of the block at lighting speed... take off.. and then BAM.. screeching stop... Nice long black mark....

Impressive...everyone clapped... the girls were back now.....plastic tea cups in hand....

Next Martin.. Same thing.. Fast.... Fast..... Faster.. BAM... Really long skid mark.( he's end up being the king of skid marks ... in more ways then one...)... then as if to one up Dimmy... a few hops on the bike .. and a little wheelie... Wow.. impressive... everyone clapped again for this awesome show of manliness..

Next came the real test...THE RAMP !!!

DUN ....DUN.... DUN !!!!

Dimmy ... backing up far enough to make sure he would clear the ramp.. started out fast and furious but the closer he got ... the slower he seemed.. somewhat cautiously he approached the gauntlet. Waiting Waiting..... whew.. he made it.. Not glamorous but safe.. another round of applause from the damsels...

Martin's turn.. ever the show man.. he backed it up pretty far.. perhaps too far.. with lighting speed he approached the ramp ... over extended... and literally flipped over the handlebars of his bike....

It really was like slow motion..he in midair like a rag doll... landing on the sidewalk....... face first

A giant collective gasp let out from the crowd.

My mind sent out the signal for the legs to move ... but they were already ahead of the thought process.. I was there in seconds flat.. he wasn't moving... and his face was pretty banged up..

At that point.. there are no thoughts.. only action.. I remember picking him up and screaming for Mr R...

Maria was already on it.. she ran crying for her Daddy to hurry up and come .. Marty was dead !!!....

I got him as far as the front door and then my legs gave out in fear.. Mr R took him from there.

I told Maria to get my purse and shut the door ... off to the hospital...

In the mean time Martin woke up groggily and said..."Is this a dream?"... Dream my ass.. it was nightmare !!!! ..

Why did I allow them to build that stupid ramp?...

Why did I allow him to play on his bike...

"Why did I allow him to take his first steps...

It was all water under the bridge or over the ramp.. now...

A few hours and several stitches later we returned home..

His face puffy and swollen... he looked a fright.. his upper lip now stitched up, red and swollen as well....

As we pulled in I noticed that the ramp had been disassembled... which was just as well because my plan was to use it as kindling for a Bon Fire..

The kids were put right to bed... and Mom required a good stiff drink..

The next day though.... if it was even possible, he even more awful.. it was as if he had put his face into a fan. Black and Blue marks, Dried blood, and a giant swollen lip.

Ironically......I think in some small way he was kind of proud of his war wounds..The guys in the neighborhood thought he looked cool... in a grossed out way.. and it scared the girls silly.. which was fine with him.. he didn't have much use for them anyway...

Now that all the drama was somewhat over.. it was all fine and dandy.. except for one minor detail.. School was starting in a couple of days.. and I could only imagine the look on his new teacher's face...when HE walked in.... I am sure the first thought might be....

Is he going to turn out to be That Kid?

You know the one that is going to make the rest of your school year "JUST LOVELY"...

(He wasn't.. believe it or not.. there were worse then him to be had.)

OR

Perhaps the immediate thought was......

Call Child Protective Services STAT !

Either way...



He looked alot better with each passing day....

So as he waved goodbye to me at the door with his swollen half smile and proudly walked into his new classroom... crowded now by kids he had not seen all summer... Wondering what the heck happened ....
I am sure he rather enjoyed being able to brag about how he got " Messed Up"






*Just a note.. he was fine by picture day .... and in fact turned out.. in spite of various facial lacerations through out his life.. to be a very handsome man.


Now I am glad I let him take his first steps..