Life Lessons... # 4 ( From Marcy's Point of View )

We have finally reached the conclusion of this

THINGS TO REMEMBER / LIFE LESSONS portion of posts..

(Just think all this Yoda like wisdom was spawned from this little picture.)

It is rather uncanny how much he and I look alike...Anyway...

The last quote we have to ponder is

#4 ABSOLUTELY NOTHING GOOD CAN COME OUT OF OVER THINKING THINGS.

and to this all I can say is .....Hah... Hah... Hah...

I mean really all I can do is laugh..why?...

because it is laughable.

I have NO CLUE as to how to NOT over think a situation to death and I have written about this before..

I talked about the reel to reel tape recorder in my head that plays over and over again the unceasing commentary that can come out of my pie hole.

Unfortunately this is not reserved only for the stupidity that is capable of coming out of MY pie hole but sometimes that of others..

" Well what did he mean by that?"
" What was she trying to insinuate "

" I KNOW that look meant something"

"What will they think?"

And so.... I lay awake rehashing everything from the ridiculous to the sublime. Second guessing every word or phrase uttered... and if that weren't enough sometimes even regretting the things I didn't say.

The idea of not over thinking something is so foreign to me that mere thought of it sets me to over thinking about it.

I have come to the conclusion that #3 and #4 go hand in hand..

Once we can let go of not over thinking things.. we can let go of control. Because let's face it ..

No matter what we think or over think.. we can not control how it is perceived.. Often in our selves... and almost always in others.

He may have not meant anything with that comment

She may have not be trying to insinuate anything more than what was said

The look might have just been gas and basically

Who really gives a rip what "They" think.

As humans I think we have a tendency to think people are focusing in on everything "WE" think say or do.. and in reality they are more likely to be honing in on their own thoughts words and actions.

We really are complex little clay pots aren't we?... Capable of so much good..

but also so much Ca ca.

All in all I think the thing we have all come to realize in the last four posts is
We are all doing the best we can...or as I like to say..

" I'm dancing as fast as I can".

and that basically I don't know much more than the next Joe Blow...

but I am aways thinking about things... and sometimes even OVER THINKING about things..

Now if you will excuse me ... I see an Extra Strength Excedrin in my near future.Because I seem to be Pumpkin Positive

Life Lessons # 3 ( From Marcy's Point of View)

I don't think it's any surprise that it has taken me longer to get to # 3 and #4 on the list.

Now I could blame it on the wedding and all the crazy things involved in getting ready.. but in reality that would be a great big lie..

The real deal is... I am still trying to learn the lesson of.. #3 #3 Letting go is much better than maintaining control.

Huh?...

The idea is so foreign to me that I sorta have to blink a couple of times and really really think about this..

You see I am a first born...and let's face it first born's are by nature pretty take control kind of people..

(Some would call us bossy but then what do they know..)

So the whole idea of not having a active role and controlling things around us is pretty daunting... and completely mind blowing.

At least to me.

I can't pretend to say I have this one under control ... but as I get older I can say without a doubt that TRYING to maintain control is exhausting ... and more often than not.. futile.

From a spiritual point of view.. I have come to see how very egotistical ... perhaps even infantile it is to think I can control anything.

The idea that I know better than God.. or Spirit.. or Nature... or Life.. or whatever you call that force that is bigger than us..

What ever you call it...

He/ She/ It... seems to have a pretty darn good grasp on how things work..

The sun rises and sets just on time.. The planet spins at the correct speed... Our hearts pump and lungs expand..We meet the people we are supposed to meet and yes .. even bills manage to get there on time.

The reality is...there are some things I can control .. but a heck of alot of other variables I cannot.

All too often I have been surprised at how well things turn out when I have managed to keep my grubby little mind and hands out of it.

Sometimes even getting down on my knees in gratitude that I didn't get my way...realizing that my way could have been horrible.

I am a work in process.. and I am really trying to let go of control ...

but it's not easy.

All I can do is try my best and let it all play out.

Often...

I can't figure out what is more draining..

The efforts that go into being in control

.. or..

The efforts of Letting go of control.

Oh Well.....

I guess I will go and do what I can control.
Laundry

Dishes

Cooking

Cleaning

and Bathing

One day I may not even be able to control those things.!...

I am sorry but it's true.. One day IF we reach that point in our lives.. even the mundane everyday things we take for granted may one day be out of our control.

Now ... Isn't THAT a pleasant thought.

This uplifting motivating message has been brought to you completely out of my control... I wrote.. what I was compelled to write.

Have a good day and...

Life Lessons....#2 ( From Marcy's Point of View )

2. PEOPLE ARE UN PREDICABLE.

You know.. when you first read that statement.. it sounds a bit negative.. and of course it can be..

I mean I don't think any of us have been spared the hurt of counting on another person .... really hoping ( ASSUMING) that they would come through for us..

Only to be disappointed.

(ASSUME..... when you assume it makes an ASS out of U and ME )

Unfortunately ... it is a certainty in life.

Someone you love will not love you back the way you think they should..
Someone you thought would never lie to you does

Someone you have shown kindness to will be unkind

Someone you have given support to will be be absent or unwilling to support you.

The list goes on and on..

The Sting seems to be when we are CERTAIN that person will behave in a way we THINK they will behave.

When they don't we are disappointed .. and take it personally. (again human nature)

But ....

IF we go back to lesson number 1.

EVERYONE FEELS LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, JUST NOT AT THE SAME TIME.

We can get a little comfort ..Knowing that we are not all on the same page.. at the same time.

Sometimes People just DON"T love you .. the way you love them

Sometimes People are frightened and come up with lies to cover up that fear.

Sometimes People don't understand that their words or actions come across as unkind.

Sometimes.... People are hanging on by their own thin thread.. and are not in a position to give you support.

It's all Unpredictable..

People are Unpredictable.

But rather then think of this lesson in the negative..

I would like to point out that sometimes people are unpredictable in good ways..

I will tell you a story in my own life

(Man I hope she doesn't read this blog! )

I used to work with a gal years ago.. She was not actually MEAN to anyone... but just not overly friendly and some would say aloof..

She had a reputation of being a loner.. some would say ( of course not me..!!)

a snob.
In fairness I have to say.. I think she almost liked that M.O. it may have given her the excuse not to connect with others..

She had been a bit sheltered in her life and in some ways spoiled.

The bottom line was .. people were jealous of her and resented her standoffishness.

As luck would have it..

I was placed in a position that required me not only to work closely with this woman.. but unfortunately for her.. and even more so for me .. required that I take over her job while she was on vacation.
Keeping in mind that this same woman could detect the displacement of HER pencil within centimeters.. or if HER eraser had been worn down more than she would have used.. as well as the quantity of staples left in HER stapler. She did HER job well and felt that no else could or SHOULD do it as well.

The thought of me having to take over this ladies position for the next seven days while she was gone was daunting to say the least...

Not only was I or anyone else really sure what she did..because of her self imposed isolation...But I knew that I had to keep things a certain way...

She was obsessed about her work area and the things in her work area ....

I didn't dare move the seat up or down for my own comfort.. ..

Would I remember to place the pens all facing the same way?...

Would I be able to place the staples at the correct angle?

She had a way of doing things and a loved her job almost more than her 1:00 P.M. (EXACTLY) lunchtime slot.

Her job seemed pretty cushy and we all knew she had a constant nagging fear that someone would try to take it away from her.

However....

By the end of the first day of her vacation... .. Not only did I not care about her seat.. her erasers .. staples .. pens or pencils.. I didn't' care one way or the other if I ever set foot in that area again..

I was completely overwhelmed with the amount of work and details involved...

I was SO ready for her to come back.. if for no other reason than to tell her she could keep her stupid job or shove it where the Sun don't shine.. I didn't care which...

The combination of her standards and the sheer work of her job made my head spin.

I never thought I would be so happy to see HER face..

Not only did I assure her that her job was straight from the pages of Dante's inferno.. I would NEVER again be put through that again... trying to keep things in basic order was crazy.

Now... I could see why she had a set way of doing things and a place for everything just so.

The relief on her face..... was visible that I was not gunning for her position...

Not only was I not gunning for her position.. I basically told her I would rather pull out my own teeth with a rusty pair of pliers than go through that ordeal ever again.

Time went on.. and suddenly.. the same rigid woman who would never allow any kind of real friendship or camaraderie was now talking to us.. sharing her supplies as well as her own stories..

She even got to the point that she didn't automatically roll her eyes every time I cracked a stupid joke.

Before we knew it.. she became human ... right before our / MY eyes.

We found out things about her and her life that really helped us understand the reasons for why she was the person we all perceived her to be.

Like all of us.. she had been shaped by her life experiences or even more so lack of life experiences... It all shaped her personality.

Later when my first child was born.. and I was out on maternity leave,I got a phone call from this gal,she was nearby and wanted to know if I was available for a few minutes? she wanted to talk to me..

I said of course and quickly changed my shirt that was stained with sour breast milk... as well as my son's less than Baby G.Q attire.

When I opened the door ... there she stood with a beautifully wrapped gift for him in her hand..I let her in and we visited for about an hour!

Now....

Had you told me a year prior that one day I would talking (civilly) with this woman.. Let alone IN MY home I would have peed in my pants laughing at you.

Yet there she was...

Not only was her gift to him absolutely gorgeous.. Hers was the first Non family visit for him in our home.

As she sat there holding my son cooing and baby talking him... I sat watching in utter amazement.

It was a huge lesson to me.

Not only to remember that we cannot judge people by what we see on the outside (Physically as well as in Personality) but that people are unpredictable.

Just when you think you know them... and have them pegged.. They will show you another side all together.

People ARE unpredictable.. Sometimes.. they can be kinder than you ever imagined.

Life Lessons.. #1 (From Marcy's point of view)

OK..
In an effort to be a little more thought provoking and in an effort to add a little substance...
I have decided to cover some idea's found Here:Let's take them one at a time.. shall we?

1.EVERYONE FEELS LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, JUST NOT AT THE SAME TIME.

So true.. so so true.

I have found that we are all more alike.. then we are different.It's just that we come into our similarities at different times in our life.

An example would be Death. and Life...

I have been going to funerals since the age of seven so I thought I knew what death was all about.

I mean I had seen the very old die and even the very young.

I knew that the body there in the casket was only the shell of someone I had known and had probably loved.

But...It wasn't until the death of my own father that I truly understood what death meant.

Now when I go to a funeral.. I get it. I understand what death means.. because that experience has touched me..

Interestingly enough I am also fully aware that as much as I may think I know what death is.. All I have to do is look into the faces of some of my friends who have lost Both parents.. A loss so great that even at our age makes them feel like orphans... some who have lost siblings or even more unfathomable children. The Great gaping hole of loss and thoughts of what if.. are unimaginable.

Do I understand death?

To some degree yes... but I know that there are other faces of death out there.. Some are inevitable.. Some I hope I NEVER see.

Same holds true for life.. I thought I understood kids ..

My Mom had to have a very dangerous operation when we were very young..She had to rely on help...not only from a woman who came in for a while after the surgery but also on me...because of that surgery and the age difference between me and my siblings..(I am 6 and 8 years older) I had to help care for and raise my brother and sister.

So.... in my naivete..I thought I pretty much knew what having kids was all about.

I knew all about the basics..Feeding.. diapering..comforting and disciplining..that sort of thing... but it wasn't until I had my own .. that I REALLY knew what having kids was all about.

Just about every feeling out there is or will be shared by us all....just not at the same time.

Love.. Hate.. Jealousy.. Envy.. Happiness.. Sadness.. Boredom... Thrill.. Birth ... Death.. The list goes on and on.

It is really true when they say.. Until you walk in someone else's shoes ....You do not know how they feel.

Virtually EVERY experience can not truly be understood until.You go through it yourself.
You may THINK you know but you don't.

So I try to keep this in mind every day..

We really don't know what someone else is going through Do we?

Day to day life happens and we can only "GUESS" how people feel.
Sometimes we are aware of the circumstances and situations that people are facing which in our minds help us feel empathy... and that is all well and good.. But more often we don't...

It isn't until we are faced with the same or similar situation that we see with new eyes(and heart)

This should give us some consolation..

Because basically....We really are more alike then different and...

We are all just doing the best we can.

I'll try to remember all this when someone is acting like a Jack hole...

Because inevitably .. One day (probably sooner rather then later )it will be my turn to act like a Jack hole.

So...I guess I'll cut them some slack.

NEXT TIME.....

2.PEOPLE ARE UNPREDICTABLE.

Marcy's Life Lessons.. Women.... The Weaker Sex??

The Gibson Girls.... Not to be confused with the Gilmore Girls.. There's no confusing these two...

Gibson Girls drawings were the creation of Charles Dana Gibson
I have always been a big fan of this talented artist...

( I swear sometimes I feel like I was born too late)

While his work is vast.. these three prints made me laugh...

and also inspired a Marcy's Life Lesson..

The subject.

Women...

The Weaker Sex ?

Hahahahahahaha....Hahahahahaha.... Hahahahahahaha...

( Sorry.. Give me a minute to compose myself....)

OK.... let's carry on.....

A lot can be learned from just three of Mr Gibson's drawings...

Our first picture shows the eternal bachelor..

(Must be a run off from yesterday)

Shown here floating from one beautiful flower to the next..

HE would seem to have the upper hand/ wing.. seemingly having his "Pick"

Yet our next view shows a young man with what looks like the ghosts of women past.. almost haunting him.

He seems almost incapable of writing because of the voices whispering in his head...

Ultimately we have our bouffant beauties..

scrutinizing( and perhaps screwing with ) him under the looking glass..

He ....becomes a mere jot in their female world...

Amazing isn't it.. the power SOME women have over men?

Sometimes it is their great beauty

that hypnotisesthese poor schmucks...

Sometimes it is intangible....

Something one is unable to quite put their finger on... leaving them unable to explain exactly... what the IT... is.
Is it Charm? Grace?

Personality? A Frying Pan?
What ever IT.. is..

Sometimes all it takes is the batting of eyelashes to bring a man to his knees.. (and Sometimes... it's the Frying Pan)

Often....it is the turn of a phrase that suddenly makes Your great idea seem like it was his all along...

I'll give you an example...

I love the line in My Big Fat Greek Wedding..

(Which by the way... That movie could not have been more similar to my own wedding....)

Maria Portokalos(The Mother) says to Toula Portokalos (The Daughter)

" The men may be the head of the house, but the women are the neck.. and they can turn the head anyway they want"

Later in a restaurant scene between Maria (Mom) Gus ( Dad) and Aunt Vuola...

Toula stands by in utter amazement as these two veterans of Male persuasion manage to convince Gus that Collage would be a good idea for Toula..

(An idea he formally thought ridiculous)

"I know she's smart...So what for she needs more school?She's smart enough for a girl."

This kind of power is a heady thing ladies...

The trick is.. having this potent gift.. and yet somehow...not emasculate the poor guy.

That ladies..THAT.....is power
So much for the weaker sex...

Have a great day!!!

Marcy's Life Lessons: Some times We've GOT to give em a chance.

Maria and I were browsing through some of the pics I have stashed away ...

(On HER computer)

Sorry honey...and we both laughed as we came across this one... She loved it so much that she is seriously thinking of having some printed up...

(Frankly... I wouldn't put it past her)

Not only to have them printed.. but to actually use them..

Have you ever come across someone like this?

You know.... a person who for some inexplicable reason you almost instantaneously

take a dislike to..or perhaps get a immediate light bulb like message that you have NOTHING in common.

I know it's happened to me many times...

Wouldn't this card come in handy???

I have to tell you as far as first impressions go...I too have fallen victim to the "I've got you pegged" attitude.

Often I am right.. but sometimes..

Well sometimes I am bitch slapped into submission by my own narrow mindedness..

( Man I hate that...)

The outside doesn't always read the same as the inside....

I have known people who upon meeting them gave off the most unapproachable demeanor..

In some cases it was a

I have it all

I know it all

I am it all

essence..

Clothes, Cars, Job titles, or in some cases just an unspoken aura of "Above it all"

Only for me to find out that the person who seemed to have it all was in actuality ... very insecure and or shy..masking it with aloofness.

Other times I have been spot on...

What I saw .. is what I got..

Maya Angelou once said : "If someone tells you who they are... believe them."

How true !

So often in conversation people will say so much about who they are.. and we just don't listen.

Example... If someone says..

" Sometimes I am just awful.....I'm not a very good friend" They probably aren't

" For the life of me.....I can't keep a secret " They probably can't

"If I don't like someone.....I can be so mean" They probably are.

To be polite we may brush these kinds of comments off ..Not realizing that we have been given keen insight into someones personality.

They can not be more clear about who they are...

I am often fond of saying "What We DON'T say.. speaks volumes"

In this case..

for people like me...

who seem to have a lot to say...

NOT SAYING it says so much.

Emerson said it so much more eloquently..

" Who you are speaks so loudly I can't hear what you are saying."

Anyway... I guess what I am saying is... sometimes the message is loud and clear..

We almost hear the warning ..

"Danger Danger Will Robinson! "

(That is for you folks who were around in the 60's and 70's or those of you fond of old time Lost in Space episodes)

but sometimes We need to give folks a chance..

The layers are thick.. and the waters run deep..

You are basically saying....

Time will be invested in finding out who you are...

Do we see things the same way?

If not can we still get along?

What am I here to teach you?

What do you have to teach me?

You will either find that indeed there IS something there...

or

Nice to meet you ...but you and I are on different paths. Fair thee well.

and that's OK too.

Time to have those courtesy cards printed up !!!

Oh..... by the by.. if you know me personally...Cause if I know you.. and hang with you...

You already KNOW... I love ya more than my luggage

Have a great day !!!!!!

Photo

Marcy's Life Lesson: "We are all connected"

The loss is not yours alone she said, and you will see it in their eyes when they do not think you are watching.

How long does it take? I said & she put her hand on my chest & we did not speak.

Brian Andreas

Thought this Brian Andreas quote fit so perfectly.. I know EXACTLY how my friend feels about her loss..

Death of a parent is a unique experience..and until you have gone through it you.... cannot fully comprehend what it all means and who you become as a person.

It is an ominous club that one does not long to become a member of.

Yet peace comes.. Time heals... Life and all of us still in it will go on. We have no other choice.

Now the life lesson part.

{I will preface this by saying.. I may have written about this in some way here on the blog.. If so I cannot find it in the bat cave. bare with me.}

LIFE LESSON: WE ARE ALL CONNECTED

Quite a few years back ...

Once again at the funeral of someone I loved dearly. The moment had arrived that sometimes does at these events.. where the minister asks if anyone had anything they would like to share .... thoughts... feelings.. or memories.

No one would or could get up and say what they were feeling.

Still an uncomfortable feeling permeated the air.. There was a sense that SOMEONE should get up and say something.
How could we all have been touched by this wonderful person and yet all be at such a loss as to what to say.

Now... I am not afraid of public speaking at all.. I am not afraid to speak period. ( I know what a surprise) but this.. this was different It wasn't that I was afraid to speak..

What I was afraid of was that grief would wrap it's slimy hands around my vocal cords and snuff out the words( as inefficient as they were ) to express the feelings in my heart.

In my hands I had a beautiful hand made crochet table cloth.(A gift that was to go to my mother who could not be there)

Suddenly out of no where I could see it.. the patterns on this beautiful piece of hand woven love gave me the words to express how I felt .. and how connected we all are.

First I gave the facts ( at least the facts that I and everyone else knew)

Then with difficulty I expressed my own gratitude for having had this incredible woman in my life... about how different my own life would have been had she not done the things she did for me and my family.... then came the table cloth..

I explained that the table cloth had shown me a lesson..

Up close... each small loop simply hooks on to the next.. it doesn't seem to have any great beauty to it.

It is only when you hold the table cloth up.. and spread it out... perhaps stand back and look at the entire thing that you see the patterns.

You see the importance that each loop makes ....with out it the pattern would change completely..and that is what death is.. suddenly that intricate pattern is changed a very large gap is made when someone we love dies.

We feel like nothing is right in the world.. Yet we come together.. latch on to each other.. and the pattern continues .. and somehow because of .. or in spite of those seemingly huge gaps.. the beauty of this tapestry becomes completely apparent.
Each loop is necessary.. and so is each gap.

So you see.. we really are all connected.. Where we are placed in this great tapestry effects the pattern.

Events like Birth.. Death.. Sickness... Happiness... Love.. all of the "Stuff" that life is made of.. has ripple effect we are joined together whether we see it ... or not.

So.. Hukuna Matata

Sorry didn't mean to get all Disney on you .. but I guess there really is a circle of life.

*G.. I am here if you need me...God Bless.

Found it.. The original story HERE

Graduation Day is here !!!!

Thank You So much Chari for forwarding me this video.... I have been wanting to use it for quite a while now...

Today Maria is Graduating from the University of Michigan !!!

I can't think of a more appropriate time to post this.. I think she has learned so many important things,

INSIDE and OUTSIDE of school, and Frankly I could not be more proud of her .. Not only in what she has accomplished scholastically... but more so as a person..

Maria We Love You so much .... You have made us proud (*Again )
and .....Girl.. You are NOT part of a lost generation... !!!!

Life is Good.... Don't Overreact !!!!

Sometimes I just feel like an

I get so discombobulated that I can't seem to find my

and end up with a giant pain in my

I get all
Which makes me think I need or at the very least......... But that is NOT the answer..and would only make me feel that perhaps .....So instead......... I think to my self. And ultimately realize....


Life Lesson # 876308577787322

"The Middle Place".... There you will find me...

I finished the book in nothing flat..
Usually a true sign, I loved it... Not only is the writing the kind that puts the author right there in your presence.. I could almost hear Kelly Corrigan 's voice as I read...

She shaped the cast and characters.. each member of her family perfectly....I felt like I knew each one..

Her story had me laughing and crying.. often at the same time.

The Gist of the book is not only to tell the story of a young mother's head on battle with cancer.. but the irony of sharing the battle with her beloved father. George "Greenie" Corrigan. Who is facing his own reoccurring fight with prostate cancer at the very same time.

Kelly reaches what she calls—“that sliver of time when parenthood and childhood overlap”—
That snapshot in time...when one goes from being the child.....
To Being the child who is now Parenting the Parent.

You immediately love the gregarious funny man she calls Dad... you make him your own.
His natural "Irish" Storytelling gift is obviously passed on in the genes...

Everyone wants someone like Geroge Corrigan in their corner...reassuring them of how wonderful, gifted, smart and beautiful they are.. it makes you understand why Kelly fights so hard and becomes his advocate...

Kelly does a great job of weaving her past life experienced into the person she is today....
Which by the way I should add the the previous "Life Lessons Series"

Lesson 4.

Every person is shaped by their past...

We cannot help but be who we are by our own individual life experiences...

Sometimes we forget (especially true, when faced with difficult people.. ) if we could only be privy to all the things that have happened to them ( Often horrible horrible things...)... we could get a better understanding of why they are the people they are..


But I digress...

I loved the book.. and will be suggesting it to my own book club members...

This book did a couple of things for me
Not only did it entertain ... with it's witty flash back type moments putting me back into the 60s and 70's again.
It also helped me remember how each one of us has a story... and we are all doing the best we can...You just gotta keep trying...
or as Dorrie in finding Nemo would say....

"Just keep swimming Just keep swimming.. swimming swimming, swimming."